In a world filled with distractions and chaos, finding inner peace and personal fulfillment can seem like a far-fetched dream. I know because I have been there! I have found, particularly, that when things do not go to plan with my personal goals and relationships, it can feel really disheartening and dysregulating. Last year, while facing a sudden disappointment in a prospective relationship, I grasped onto the words I had recently read up on from Miguel Ruiz, called “The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (A Toltec Wisdom Book).” At the time, I was an intern here at Heartland Therapy Connection in Kansas City, MO, and I had heard my supervisor, Anna Saviano, pull wisdom from this book many times before. So in the midst of my heart reeling, feeling numb, yet overwhelmed, I curated a playlist that helped lend some words to affirm what I was going through, yet also partnered it with the four agreements to make sense of what happened and how to move forward with the loss I felt relationally. I’m so glad that I gave this book a read-through. It has been so helpful to hold space for the reality of my experiences and my emotions while also drawing from a rational headspace in order to best navigate the landscape of my internal and external worlds.
I hope to offer a thorough overview of the words from Ruiz, as I believe they can offer you some consolation, wisdom, and empowerment in the days that lay ahead of you! Miguel Ruiz draws upon ancient Toltec wisdom to provide a roadmap for living a life of authenticity, joy, and fulfillment (all up to the navigator’s discretion). At the heart of his teachings are four powerful agreements that serve as pillars that work alongside each other to build the life you aim for. We will delve into each agreement, exploring its significance and practical applications for transforming your life in a way that feels best to you.
Agreement 1: Be Impeccable with Your Word
Words have the power to uplift or destroy, to heal or harm. In the first agreement, Ruiz emphasizes the importance of using our words with integrity and kindness. As a therapist who is a Christian, I feel that these words are reminiscent of Jesus’ words in the Sermon on the Mount, with the notion of letting your “yes” be “yes” and your “no” be “no” (Matthew 5:37). Take that for what you will, but I feel that this agreement is about not talking rashly, and being thoughtful when it comes to the words we speak and the agreements we make verbally. Being impeccable with our word means speaking truthfully, avoiding gossip and negativity, and refraining from using language to hurt others or ourselves. By harnessing the power of our words for positivity and authenticity, we can cultivate trust, strengthen relationships, and create a more harmonious world.
Agreement 2: Don’t Take Anything Personally
How often do we allow the opinions and actions of others to dictate our sense of self-worth? In the second agreement, Ruiz reminds us that nothing others do is because of us. Rather, people’s behaviors and attitudes are a reflection of their own inner world, shaped by their experiences, beliefs, and perceptions. In essence, people interact with us and project their internal thoughts, emotions, and perspectives upon us as they relate to us and behave around us. By not taking things personally, we free ourselves from the burden of others’ judgments and criticisms, embracing our innate worth and resilience. I also think that this agreement segues into self-understanding and empathy, to extend non-judgment to ourselves first and then to offer it to others. This does not mean that what we experience does not hurt; rather, we understand that there is a context to our own and others’ behaviors and actions.
Agreement 3: Don’t Make Assumptions
Assumptions are the root cause of misunderstandings and conflicts in relationships. In the third agreement, Ruiz urges us to communicate openly and seek clarity instead of making unfounded assumptions. It is simply asking yourself, “What are the facts?” and then being curious to seek out more understanding as you see fit. By asking questions, listening with empathy, and expressing ourselves honestly, we can foster deeper connections and mutual understanding. Within clarifying conversations, gold and intimacy may possibly come forth. And even if our hunches are confirmed, we are now able to know and radically accept the reality before us. Letting go of assumptions liberates us from unnecessary drama and allows for authentic, heartfelt communication.
Agreement 4: Always Do Your Best
Life is a journey of growth and self-discovery, filled with ups and downs. In the fourth agreement, Ruiz encourages us to strive for excellence in all that we do, regardless of the circumstances. Doing our best doesn’t mean perfection; it means giving our full effort and attention to each moment and honoring ourselves and our commitments. Personally, I have found this one to be one of the most liberating. I had often viewed doing my best as being a certain level of excellence, no matter the context or the environment. Rather, our best is not a fixed thing but is fluid/fluctuates given the time and the scenario we find ourselves in. By embracing this agreement, we release the need for self-judgment and comparison, embracing our unique path and potential.
Embracing the Four Agreements
In conclusion, Miguel Ruiz’s Four Agreements offer a profound framework for personal transformation and even spiritual growth. By embodying these principles in our daily lives, we can cultivate inner peace, authenticity, and fulfillment. These four agreements can serve as a compass to see where we are at and how we want to move forward. Let us strive to be impeccable with our word, to refrain from taking things personally, to avoid making assumptions, and to always do our best. These agreements are words to live by that help us live in harmony not only with others but with ourselves. In doing so, we reclaim our power, embrace our true selves, and embark on a journey of profound self-discovery and empowerment.
Embrace the Journey and Consider Going on It With the Help of A Therapist
As we integrate the 4 Agreements into our lives, let us remember that personal transformation is a journey, not a destination. It requires patience, practice, and a willingness to embrace the unknown. Sometimes, not only holding these agreements in our hearts and minds can be a support, but even interfacing with a compassionate person who can listen and offer validation without judgment. Our team at Heartland Therapy Connection would love to meet with you as you go on your journey forward. Book a free consultation or your first appointment at www.heartlandtherapyconnection.com. Together, we can create a world of harmony, love, and authenticity—one agreement at a time.
