Kansas City, we experienced a citywide trauma event on February 14th. Whether we attended the Chiefs victory parade or not, we have all felt some effect of the tragic shooting that took place. Perhaps even worse, this trauma has echoed through the youth of our city in a way that we cannot ignore. While trauma is an unfortunate reality that many children face, it doesn’t make it any easier to talk about when it happens. As adults, it’s our responsibility to provide them with support and guidance to help them navigate through these challenging times. One crucial aspect of this support is having open and honest conversations about trauma like the shooting they experienced. However, discussing such sensitive topics with children requires a delicate approach. In this blog post, we’ll explore some effective strategies for talking to children about trauma.
Create a Safe Space
Before diving into any discussion about trauma, it’s essential to create a safe and supportive environment where children feel comfortable expressing their thoughts and emotions. Choose a quiet, private space where they won’t feel distracted or interrupted. If they start to ask questions in an inconvenient location, assure them that their questions are important and that you will talk to them more in a safe space. Assure them that whatever they share will be met with understanding and empathy. You may also find it helpful to have some of your child’s comfort items available – blankets, stuffed animals, fidgets – to help them cope with the difficult conversation. Above all, be careful not to force a conversation. If your child expresses that they don’t want to talk, just remind them that they will have a safe space ready for them when they are ready.
Use Age-Appropriate Language
When discussing trauma with children, it’s crucial to use age-appropriate language and concepts. Tailor your explanation to their developmental level, ensuring that they can comprehend the information without feeling overwhelmed. If they ask questions they aren’t developmentally ready for, it is okay to tell them you don’t know the answer for them right now. Avoid using graphic or frightening details, and instead, focus on providing simple explanations that they can grasp.
Validate Their Feelings
It’s essential to validate children’s feelings and let them know that it’s okay to feel scared, sad, or angry in response to trauma. They need to know that their feelings are valid and normal responses to an abnormal event. Avoid dismissing or minimizing their emotions, even if they seem disproportionate to the situation. We as adults often do this unintentionally when we say things like, “Don’t feel scared; you’ll be okay!” We struggle with seeing our children hurt or scared, and it’s good for us to remember that sitting in this uncomfortable place with them will ultimately be more reassuring.
Be Honest, but Provide Reassurance
While it’s important to be honest when discussing trauma with children, it’s also essential to provide reassurance and comfort. Let them know that they are not alone and that there are people who care about them and are there to support them through difficult times. It could be helpful to list out these people in the child’s life with them so they can see a concrete example of who is there for them. Offer words of encouragement and remind them of their own strengths. It can often be helpful to be honest about your own emotions from the trauma, but remember that sometimes, children will try to help adults work through their own discomfort. If you see this happening, gently remind them that you have people in your life who are helping you just like you’re there to help them.
Seek Professional Help if Needed
If you notice that a child is struggling to cope with the effects of trauma, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. A qualified therapist or counselor who specializes in working with children can provide the support and guidance needed to help them heal. Also, be on the lookout for some of the quieter signs of struggle. If your child says they are fine, but you are noticing them withdraw from friends and activities they enjoy, or their performance in school starts to fall, these are some telltale signs that they might not actually be okay. A professional can help provide insight into this if you are concerned.
Talking to children about trauma can be a challenging task, but it’s a crucial step in helping them heal and recover. If you or your child need help with this process, we at Heartland Therapy Connection would love to help! Give us a call at (816) 287-0252 or book an online appointment today with one of our trauma-informed therapists. Together, we can empower children to navigate through difficult times and emerge stronger and more resilient than ever!
