Transcription:
I guys, it’s Rachel. Intern at Heartland Therapy Connection. Um, I wanted to get on here today and talk a little bit about a concept that I am really passionate about, radical Acceptance. This is something that I like to use with all my clients. I think that it is really important in laying the groundwork for how they’re going to cope with things as we going forward into some deeper topics. I like to explain it during like the first or second session. It’s this way of viewing things that you can and cannot control, essentially. So, you know, in life we are going to experience things that we don’t like. We’re going to experience hardship, in times that, you know, suck. And some of that is out of our control and needs to be accepted. You know, and I’m not saying accepting it in this passive, like sitting in the back seat kind of way. That, you know, bad things are just going to happen and it’s going to suck and there’s nothing you can do about it. That is the complete opposite of what I’m saying. It is more taking this view of, you know, bad things are going to happen because that’s what happens in life and that part needs to be accepted, but I am a strong resilient person and there’s things that I can control, and I can live a happy life with bad things happening from time to time.
You know, so, for example, I have a lot of clients with anxiety, a really common thing. And I like to ask them during our first session, you know, what is your goal? What do you want to achieve through our work together? And I’ll hear something like, I want to not experience anxiety anymore. And while I completely understand that. Anxiety sucks and it doesn’t feel good, it’s not realistic and I can’t make that happen. You know, part of the radical acceptance here is that you’re still going to feel anxiety, but it does not need to get in the way of you living a happy life where you feel like you’re able to do the things you want. It does not have to impede upon on your happiness, as much as it currently is. But, part of that is getting over that hump that you’re not going to not have anxiety. You need to accept that part of your anxiety are always going to be there. Which is realistic because, you know, anxiety formed in humans a long time ago and it serves a purpose. It activates our cortisol and adrenalin and gets us ready for a threat. It’s good to have anxiety. It’s not good to have the level, that you know, I’m talking about where it’s just getting in the way of you living your life, but part of the radical acceptance here is that you’re going to have anxiety.
So, someone who gets anxiety in crowds, say, they will often have a goal for themselves. I want to go into a crowd of people and I want to experience zero anxiety and have the best time ever and make a ton of friends. And while I like that and that’s really ambitious, that person is going to go into a crowd, they’re going to experience anxiety and they’re going to feel like a complete failure, because that is just an unrealistic expectation, and it’s not incorporating that radical acceptance. Whereas someone who’s able to radically accept that, I am a person that experiences more anxiety, and I experience anxiety specifically in crowds, so I know that I’m going to go into a crowd and I’m going to experience anxiety, and you know I’m going to accept that part and let my body just accept that and hold that there, and I’m going to work on my coping skills so that while I’m accepting that anxiety there are things I can work on, so that that situation can be really positive. I can get through this and enjoy the night and make friends in a crowd.
There’s this bubble of things that we can control. You know, our thoughts, actions, words, ideas, not saying that your thoughts are just easy to control all the time and that you can just, you know, stop thoughts, but you can control the action that you take because of your thoughts. And then there are things we cannot control, outside of this bubble. Which would be, you know, the thoughts, feelings, actions, words of other people, and things that happen to us. And focusing on trying to change those things is really defeating the purpose of radical acceptance, and it’s going to make it really hard in the long run, whereas accepting some of those things that you cannot change and instead focusing on the things you can change, and that can, you know, make your life overall better and more supportive, is really where I am trying to target this concept at.
I really hope this was helpful for you guys, and that you can find a way to incorporate radical acceptance into your day or week. Let me know if you have any questions about this. As always, reach out to Heartland Therapy Connection if you want to schedule a session with any of our wonderful counselors, including me. I hope this was helpful. Yeah, thank you.
